I had replied to a commenter on my post yesterday on Cheese (with a capital ‘C’, because Cheese is very important), with an attempt to bring all the wondrous glory that is cheese (oops… I mean Cheese) into a poem, of sorts…
That attempt, such as it is, is as follows:
Would the Bard work as hard on a poem about Cheese,
If the Cheese smacked of chard, and was hard, if you please?
A bit Seussicallian, to coin a word, and to give my poor efforts entirely too much credit by association.
Surely, I thought, (I really hate it when I refer to myself as Shirley… even in my own head…) I say, I thought, surely I could do better than that!
So I sat right down – well, technically, I never got up after the above two-line effort – I say, I sat right down and proceeded to go about producing something a little more in the style of the Bard, himself.
And in spite of the fact the Bard has, probably, already begun spinning in his grave, before I even get the first words down, I present to you the greatest couplets on cheese to have ever been written.
In the last few seconds…
O for a Muse of Fromáge, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of Havilah,
A Kasseri for a platter, Pepper Jack’s to age
And Muenster’s to behold the smelling scene!
Then should the warlike Havarti, like himself,
Assume the port of Maroilles; and at his heels,
Leash’d in like Herve’s, should Feta, Saga and Fynbo
Crouch for enjoyment. But pardon, and Gouda’s all,
The flat un-aged molds that have dared
On this unworthy counter to bring forth
So great an object. Can this deli hold
The vasty Bries of France? or may we cram
Within this wooden Wheel the very Limburger’s
That did affright the noses at Lambeau?
The Bard, I would guess, is probably half-way to the earth’s core, by now.
Still, if anyone has better stuff on cheese, I’d love to hear it.
I’d like to challenge any and all to comment with their own love poems to the almost ridiculous splendor that is Cheese.
Let’s call it the – well, how about a Cheese Wheeling Poetry Passion, say?
Poetry Slam’s have been done to death – and one really shouldn’t combine the words ‘Cheese’ and ‘slam’ into the same concept.
Slamming into a nice bit of Cheese simply isn’t the best way to enjoy said Cheese.
Any other application of the word ‘slam’, with regards to the word ‘Cheese’, seems a bit sacrilegious, when you come right down to it.
And we needn’t bring any ice or buckets into the mix.
Unless by doing so you can make the poem better, or funnier…
Que la Passion Poésie commencer…