Absurd
Comments 6

SNOWPOCALYPSE!!!!

IT’S HERE!!!
YOU’RE DOOMED!!!
YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING LIKE IT!!!
NEVER,NEVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER!!!

We’re all gonna die.
Right this second.
Any minute now.
Storm of the century!
The second one this year.
The fifth storm of the century in the last two years.
RUN!!!
HIDE!!!
You can’t run.
You can’t hide.
You’ll never make it.
You’re screwed.

Coming in our next half-hour, we’ll have 5 things you can do to prepare for the next big one.
Without these precautions, you might as well just tuck your head between your knees and ki…

THIS JUST IN!!!

How those containers of water you’ve set aside for when the power goes out might be killing you!!! And also those canned goods! And how the food in your refrigerator is actually going to kick the door open, throw you to the floor and put you in the most excruciatingly gruesome non-GMO-organic-half-full-nelson of your entire life… 
Do you know how to survive the power going out?
Do you know how to survive the power coming back on?
Do you know how to survive!?!?!
We’ll tell you everything you need to know, in order to survive!!!

You’re not gonna survive.
You know that, don’t you?
Keep it tuned right here to learn what you could have done to ensure the safety of yourself, your loved ones and all of your valuable property.
Keep it tuned here to learn how YOU could have prevented the collapse of civilization, as we know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Doom, despair and agony on me… 
“Deep dark depression, excessive misery…”

If you’d listened to us, none of this would’ve happened…
It’s all your fault, you know… 
Your fault!!!
We have to blame someone.
We can’t just say… ‘oh, well, that’s the way the old snow-globe bounces…’
NO!!!
IT’S YOUR FAULT!!!

CRAP!!!
YOU’RE HOSED!!!
LIKE REAL GONERSVILLE, MAN!!!

Coming up next… how you could have survived this catastrophe, had you only listened to us.
All of this could have been avoided.
And we’ll tell you how.
After these commercial messages…

animated-notes
“Come to Jamaica, and feel alright”
Who’s sorry, now, huh?
Bet you wish you’d taken the boss up on his offer of that time share.
Nothing ever happens around the office at this time of year… right…?
Bet you wish you’d just gone for it – deadlines be hanged.
Bet you wish you didn’t now have your head between your knees, trying to kiss your a…
animated-notes
“Come to Jamaica, and feel alright”

YOU’RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!!!

Let’s take a look at our live-half-asleep dolby doppler droopy dopey dumbledore radar whatchamadoodle graphic-type-thingy™, which hasn’t changed in the last thirty-six days, but we now feel confident enough to tell you that even though we’re weather-type dudes and dudettes, and we haven’t been right in the last well gee I don’t know EVER, you really should be listening to us this time when we tell you that:

THIS IS IT, PEOPLE!!! THE BIG ONE. THE BIG KAHUNA, THE BIG SALAMI, THE BIG CHEESE GRATER IN THE SKY… PUT YOUR HEAD BETW…

THIS JUST IN!!!

The Four Snowmen of the Apocalypse have just been seen descending from the heavens, upon their fiery, organic, locally grown and certified gluten-and-GMO-free carrot sticks.
It’s here, people… end times.
Your city/town/home is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Old Testament – real wrath-of-God type stuff.
Cats and dogs living together… mass hysteria.
You might as well just put your…  
*click*

“Hey, Gran’Pa… what’s fer supper…?”

And from all of us here at WWTF, we sincerely hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.
We look forward to seeing you here again tomorrow.
Good night.

 

[Photo is a screen capture from the video embedded in the post.]

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