“On a display of “I love you only” Valentine cards: “Now available in multi-packs.”
If you’re going to be a lying son-of-a-gun on the one day of the year when it’s supposed to be all about heart-felt emotional attachment (according to the flower pushers, the candy manufacturers, the diamond peddlers and all their marketers, at any rate), find a sentiment you can live with, and pound that sucker for all it’s worth.
While your at it, make sure you come up with that perfect little quip about love.
Now, everybody uses Shakespeare, and Browning… how passé…
But you don’t want to do that, do you?
You have this over-powering need to be unique… one-of-a-kind… different, even…
To that end, I offer you some of the lesser trafficed quotes, concerning all things amorous…
“I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.”
“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.”
Jonathan Carroll “Outside The Dog Museum”
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”
“Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.”
“Falling in love is so hard on the knees.”
“Like I’ve always said, love wouldn’t be blind if the braille weren’t so damned much fun.”
“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.”
Well… everyone thinks they do, anyway…
Here’s my contribution to that vast tepid ocean of topical verse:
Roses are red
Violets make me queasy
Why don’tcha come over here
And give us a squeazy…
That there poem, by the way, is taken – so you can’t use it.
Boy howdy, is she gonna swoon all-to-heck-and-back when she reads it…
Whattya waiting for…?
Get a move on!
That candy/lingerie/flowers/diamonds/vacation-home/new-car/public-office/magic-lasso-and-an-invisible-jet/head-of-that-a***ole-from-work-on-a-pike ain’t just gonna run right out and buy itself, you know…
I’ll be accepting deliveries on the 14th, from 10:00 until 2:00.
[All artwork was found here.]