Well, it’s been a week.
Right after that last week that was, um… last week…
I spent this most recent week in the wilds of another state.
Not really wild, as in gunfights at the I’m Okay, You’re Okay corral.
Not really wild, as in meeting up at where those literary things habitually congregate.
Too obscure a reference?
Sorry about that.
By wild, I mean the habit of double charging for services (sic) rendered.
Like the meal of tasteless and cold food, for which the waitress tried to charge me for everyone’s purchases, while handing the others their own bills, as well.
Like the hotel having the card of the vendor for whom I was working on file, with confirmation numbers and everything, and still trying to put the room on my card…
I’m loath to ascribe incompetence to people, outside of politicians and weather forecasters.
But when the same bit of skullduggery happens to you multiple times within a twelve hour period, it’s either a damning indictment upon our educational system, or a concentrated effort at wire fraud.
If it walks like a fraud, and quacks like a fraud…
Perhaps we should all be practicing our ducking.
But that’s not what I wanted to write about.
You know how when you stay at a hotel in certain parts of the world, how in the morning you sometimes find a copy of the morning’s newspaper beside your door? Or hanging from the handle of said hotel room door?
Well, that happened to me.
Not the local rag, mind you, with old Mrs. Balsa Mic’s Vinegar Cheesecake recipe on page two, and the pork belly futures occupying the top story position.
Or that heart-swelling story of the boy who once tossed a ball into the air, and which said missile, upon returning to earth, caught him right smack-dab between the eyes, and how the poor little flat-faced brat (bless his heart) parlayed that setback into a world-class gig as the target in the local “Hit the Clown in the Face With a Pie” booth at the local county fair.
Not that paper.
I received a copy of the USA Today (A Gannett Company) newspaper – whose official motto, and I swear I’m not making this up, is “All the news not fit to print… and that you never wanted to know about, anyway”.
I didn’t ask for it.
I wasn’t given a choice as to whether I’d like to receive a morning copy of said paper, or would I rather have a 100 member band of bagpipers performing ‘Gangnam Style’ 37 minutes before my alarm clock was scheduled to go off… and with the snooze function hopelessly confused between ‘pause’ and ‘nuclear’.
It’s a tough call, really.
And all the way across the top of my morning update, were three items.
1) A graphic of the sticker you get upon your exit at the polling booths, proclaiming “I Voted.”
2) The name and date of the alleged newspaper (A Gannett Company).
3) A blurb for an interior article, stating (and once again, I swear I am not making this up) “Brady Vs. Bond – Like 007, people don’t care if he did or did not cheat in pursuit of ultimate glory.”
Apparently, Martin Rogers, the alleged author of the alleged opinion piece, can’t differentiate between a literary character, and a real-world professional athlete.
He also seems a bit foggy on the historical definitions and conditional requirements of such concepts as ‘glory’.
Perhaps a re-reading of the medieval myths surrounding King Arthur might be in order.
Along with a refresher course on why Lancelot wasn’t allowed to find the Holy Grail… which honor went instead to Galahad.
In all, the days’ paper had, on the front page and ‘above the fold’, as it used to be known in the industry, eight blurbs/story teasers/articles to be continued on another page.
Four of them were sports articles.
The other four were for what can only charitably be referred to as ‘news’ items.
The New York Times these days is talking about how Marco Rubio’s finances are under investigation, and have always been something of a mess.
The USA Today (A Gannett Company) states that “Rubio ‘is clearly on the rise’,” after the last debate… where, as I understand it, nothing of verifiable substance was communicated.
Including the slate of candidates, if you ask me…
But then, nobody has…
Image found here.