Humor
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Would you like a piece of pie…?

Today is the day that we remember the death of a hero of that conflagration known on this side of the pond, variously, as:

The War of Northern Aggression
The War of Secession
The Civil War… which (rumor has it) was anything but…

Civil, I mean…

Take your pick as to the moniker which best suits your fancy…
All I’m saying is, you can pretty much tell what the aforementioned conflict will be referred to as, by where in this great land of ours you happen to be standing when you ask the question.

And the Rug want’s to make America great again…
Harrumph!
He’s gonna need to go back a might further than he seems to think, if he’s gonna find a time when we all got along in peace and harmony…

Sometime around the last ice age oughta just about do it…!

Anywho…
Today marks the death of that outstanding hero of culinary battlefields all across this great land of ours – George Armstrong Custer… who, among other things, was:
1)   the youngest man ever to become a general in the United States military;
2)   was pictured in that famous photograph of Lincoln talking to General McClellan taken by Matthew Brady, and;
3)   the inventor of the Custer Pie…

Egg-Custard-Pie_3241

Now, I know some people insist on spelling it ‘custard’, but I’m at a loss to explain their thinking on this; as these are also the type of people who insist on spelling words like ‘theatre’, ‘humour’ and ‘gobsmacked’.

There are even some who’ll tell you the custer pie as we know it started to appear sometime during the middle ages.
Which is a crisis-filled age if ever I saw one…

Right about the time those ages went out and bought that hot little red oxen cart – the snazzy two seater, imported all the way from wherever it was that they weren’t, with the sackcloth interior and the fuzzy little dice rolling around in the back, because rear view mirrors were still a millennia away… right after these ages got tired of picking up all the pretty young oxen and carting them all over the place while they giggled and chatted and did their hooves… right after that is when custer pie was supposed to have started making its appearance…

Don’t you believe it!

Anyone who thinks a fancy imported oxen cart is going to solve all of their anxieties about their ‘lack of fulfillment’ and their ‘never having done anything meaningful in their life’ and ‘I wonder if that cute little red-head from the secretarial moat is doing anything this Saturday night’ has certainly got another think or two a’thunkin’ their way…

Someone like that can not be trusted with something as important as pie.
No sirree, Bob!!!

And since we’re talking the middle ages here, I’m assuming we’re talking Europe here.
Cause those on this side of the pond had better things to do with their time.
So, let’s just nip across to the other side, and investigate the state of the pie… if you will…

Custard_Pie_Flinging

Oh… my…

See, this is why we can’t have anything nice around here…
Here we are, with one of the greatest dessert creations ever at our beck and call, and some people think it might be a good idea to get a whole bunch of them together, and then throw ’em at people…

The picture is from an event in England called the World Custard Pie Flinging Championship.
Which will never, ever happen again, I fear… as England just told the rest of the world to “sod off” (if I have the vernacular correct).
So they can have all the All-England Championships they want.
They’ll just have to get used to the idea there’s probable someone out there in this big ol’ crazy world of ours who can fling pies far better than anything the Brits can field.

And they probably look better in their babushkas while they’re doing it, too…

I wonder if that nun is in the habit of wearing her, um… habit, that short.
What’s the name of her church…?
Our Lady of Perpetual Dodging…?
Thus Flungeth Zarathustra…?

Anywho, Georgie Porgie Custer in a Pie died on this date in 1876, or 140 years ago, when he tried to take on the entire Sioux nation in a massive pie eating contest at the Little Bighorn, in Montana…

Which is not to be confused with the Big Littleflute,  located (I believe) somewhere in Pennsyltucky… or maybe it’s West By-God Virginny…

I’m always getting those two mixed up, somehow.

To his credit, even though ol’ Georgie invented the custer pie, his habitual humility in the face of his creation never allowed for him to think for one minute there was that much custer in the entire world… much less that they’d gotten it all together in the wilds of Montana.

Georgie never stood a chance.
He was creamed…

Which later became a popular addition to the custer pie.
Once the diabetic shock of that much dessert wore off.

In tomorrow’s post we’ll talk about Georgie’s younger sibling, named…

Wait for it…

I swear I’m not making this up…!

Are you sitting down…?

Boston.

Yes… Boston…

Guess what he done gone and invented…?

At least he was relatively civil about the whole process…

 

 

 

Top image found here.
Second image found here.
Third image found here.

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. It’s so good to start the day with belly laughs. Thank you!

    (I lived in Boston for nearly 50 years and never heard of Boston Custer. Can hardly wait to hear about him.)

    Liked by 1 person

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