Absurd
Comments 2

Made in the shades…

So…

On the anniversary of entirely too  many instances of hatred and war in the history of mankind…

Gettysburg, the Somme, 1st Crusaders defeat Sultan Kilidj Arslan of Nicea…
And way more than I care to get into at this point…

We have this item:

BB Glasses

… which, according to this site is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
The review states that these are “… a little bit genius,” and “… look way better than wearing Google Glass.”

We’ll just let those sentiments speak for themselves, shall we…?

Another site claims that you don’t want to be the person (or in this instance, the ad agency) with the black bar hiding your face because of a totally lame social media presence… and then uses this picture as evidence:

Censorship-Black-Bar-Sunglasses-298x300

Yet another site totally claims that for those times when you don’t wish to be totally putting yourself out there for all the world to see, you should totally be wearing these shades as a form of self-censorship… because you’re totally obviously too cool for school; as evidenced by your serious and totally forward fashion eyewear…
Then they use this picture:

Internet-Censorship-Black-Bar-Sunglasses

Now, I may not be the plucky, comedic side-kick you would probably find on your average, b-flat television show… but I play one on TV.
And I may not have the original RAW digital negatives available to me…

But those two pictures are the exact same thing, being used for the exactly opposite message.

Which makes today’s date in history somewhat ironic.
Cause today is the day that is credited, in the year 1200, with seeing the invention of sunglasses, in ancient China.

According to this site, the first attempts were crude slabs of smoked quartz…

I’ve always found that when smoking quartz, the trick is to keep the ding-dang thing lit.
Otherwise, you’re always bugging a friend for a light; which causes a marked decrease in the number of people who don’t automatically run when they see you coming.
And before you can say “Bob’s your uncle” (but not in North Carolina, he ain’t, betcha by golly wow…) you find yourself without any friends.

And then how will you smoke that quartz, hmmmm…?!?!?

I say, the first sunglasses were crude slabs of smoked quartz…
Which, I would imagine, probably looked something like this:

black-bar-sunglasses

… which makes that first review not so much fashion forward – or at least get in your face aggressive – as much as woefully behind the times…

As fashion models go, this lady’s been around a loooooong time…!!!

I’d like to celebrate such an auspicious occasion in the history of cool-cat-edness…
But we’re expecting rain today.
And I’ve always had problems with wearing sunglasses when they aren’t needed.

Problems such as running into walls…

‘Cause I couldn’t see them…

So…
Censor yourself, or don’t.
Be a total lame-o at social media, or don’t.
But for gosh sakes, please please PLEASE lay in a supply of Bic’s if your gonna try smoking quartz…

And you should try to be considerate of those people around you when you do smoke.
Second-hand igneous is not to be taken lightly, in most parts of the world…

 

 

 

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Next image found here.
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Fifth image found here.

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. Quartz and quartz of laughter over here…your wit is totally not lame…

    (I gave up my heavy smoking habit in 1984 but I still sometimes smoke in my dreams, where I need no glasses in order to see…maybe I’ll try igniting some igneous one of these nights.)

    Like

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