An Appreciation
Comments 2

Mmmmmm… bacon…

It’s the birthday of the man with the best tasting name in show business – with the possible exceptions of Bobby Baked-Alaska (don’t you just hate these modern marriages…?) and little Freddie Fettuccini Alfredo… of the Akron Alfredo’s.

Nobody beats this guy on smell, though…
Trust me!

Yes, on this day in 1958 Kevin Bacon burst forth upon an unsuspecting planet, the tragic result of a Scattergories game gone so wild, the commercials for it could only be shown late at night… and even then only on cable access…

Ever since he’s been just all kinds of Footloose and fancy free…
Yessiree, ain’t no flatliner going to get by our Mr. Roberts.
… if you know what I mean by that.
It’s a real he said, she said kinda situation, which only a few good men can resolve to everyone’s satisfaction…

I’m getting tremors… I feel trapped, just thinking about it…
I’m emptied of all meaning.
I’m a hollow man…

*AHEM*…
Kevin’s also the object of his own meme, as it were.
A meme… as opposed to a mime.
Meme, mime mome mume… I smell the blood of an…

Yeah, I’m gonna have to get back to you on that one…
The fairy tale, um… fairy, ain’t exactly laying the pithy lines out for me here…

Moving on!
I’m sure you’ve all heard of the game called:

SIX DEGREES OF KEVIN BACON.

This is a game, people; this is only a game… an exercise in creative thinking.
Not a cooking recipe…

Cooking Bacon (the food, not the person (and when talking about the food, one should always capitalize it)) – I say – cooking Bacon at six degrees means either the soup ain’t gonna be on anytime in the foreseeable future, or else you have the constitution of a bundt cake mold full of metamorphic rocks from the late mesozoic era…

Seriously tough on the digestion, people.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah…
Separation.

See, the point of the game is for someone to mention a “movie star”, no matter how obscure, and then try to connect that “star” to Sir Bake of the Kev in six easy steps… while naming those steps as you go along.

For example:
John Belushi would not be a good choice to begin the game with, because both he and Kevin appeared in the same movie (Animal House…)
Heather Graham, however, might be a good choice…
Although I really have no idea if she is or not.

See, Heather was in a movie with Joseph Fiennes (Killing Me Softly), who was in a movie with Jude Law (Enemy at the Gates), who was in a movie with Robert Downey Jr. (Sherlock Holmes), who was in a movie with Robert DeNiro (The Judge), who was in a movie with Kevin Bacon (Sleepers)…

Piece of cake, right…?
Except that I’m not so enamored of movies, as a rule, that I have the cast list of every film ever made at my beck and call…
And using Google, like I just did, is cheating…

Also, it turns out that it wasn’t Robert DeNiro getting all judgmental with Iron Man, it was Robert Duvall…
Oopsey…!!!
You can probably see how this game could become an rather extended exercise in a rather extreme, excruciating tedium.

However, in the spirit of good will, intellectual stimulation and the grand duchess poohbah you do and I’ll give you such a pinch I got my eye on you mister mother of all boredom attacks, some acquaintances and I once invented a variation on this theme… and we called it:

SIX DEGREES OF FREE BIRD.

For some reason, they simply refused to buy my contention that you can get to Lynard Skynard  via Bach, Little Richard, early Genesis, Slim Whitman, and Beyoncé…
Harrumph!

 

And just for the record, I still can’t listen to that ding dang song…

 

Anywho…
Happy birthday, Kevin…
And certainly we could do much worse than resolve to take into our hearts and minds (and also the third toe from the right, when you come right down to it*) those famous and oh, so very useful words of his… uttered in such the calm manner…

 

 

 

Google thinks I found the animated image at the top here
But when I went to said page, danged if I saw it anywhere.
Rest assured, people, the image was found via a Google search…
I’m just not at all sure if Google knows where they found it!

The truth is out there, people!

 

* It doesn’t matter which foot… pick one, start from the right, and count to the 3rd toe.
It’s always going to be the center toe… just as the fairy tale fairy intended it…

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

2 Comments

  1. I don’t do movies, or know much about popular culture (not being popular, myself), but your piece inspired me to a rare thought: maybe I will begin to start to commence to walk into my kitchen now, check the freezer for the usual UFO’s (Unidentified Frozen Objects) and fry me up some delicious bacon.

    Like

Don't sugar-coat it... Tell us how you feel...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s