All posts filed under: Humor Me

Surrealist Prattle…

Dear John, So, there I was… deep in the heart of the Amazon, caught-up in a towering struggle of the intellect with a geographically confused polar bear and a bunch of daisies with an attitude, when this dyslexic dog, who thought she knew everything and in fact thought she’d made everything, and was therefore entitled to all sorts of outrageous titles and grants of land in the Yukon, and consequently was free to dig and scratch wherever she wanted to – and who was refereeing the contest from deep within that special state of doggy-ness which I know we all hope to aspire to one day – this dog calls for a recess, see, and so we were all involved in a rousing game of “Thumb Your Nose at the Nearest Tree and Then Run Around in Circles While Cleaning Each Others Bellybuttons With A Complacent Porcupine” when this bag of french fries… (french fries, I ask you!?!) who was only there in the role of an observer, after all, this bag of french fries comes up to …

Just One Thing, or Two…

They were a family act… There wath the Thing and the Thong, as well as their lether known thiblings, Thung and Thang, who were known to lay down a wickedly funky back-beat, at the drop of a hat. “Thing that funky thing, Thang…” Thung would thay. And tho Thang would thing, and be all like: ♫”Play that funky muthic, orange boy… “Play that funky muthic right…”♫ And then Thang would be all, like: “Ain’t no body ever thing that thong the way you thang that thong, Thung.” And tho Thung would get all up in that grill, thinging: ♫”Play that funky muthic, orange boy… “Lay down that boogie, and play that funky muthic till you die…”♫ And then they’d cue the back-up thingerth, who’d be all, like: ♫”Till you die… “Whoa… till you die…”♫

The First Planetary Constitution

A lethargy has set in these days. A lassitude has wrapped itself around my shoulders, like a heavy winter shawl. A piece of clothing once referred to as a ‘muffler’. Kind of appropriate, actually. The inertia has taken on a rather specific form.* That of an unwillingness to settle down and do some serious writing. If you can call anything I write ‘serious’… Although I do believe that even writing comedy can be an endeavor filled with gravitas. It’s just not nearly as much fun to do it under those conditions. Not when one’s writing is so full of it. … he typed slyly…

Philosophy 101, Pt. I

In an opinion piece in the December 8th edition of the NY Times, entitled “Know Thyself – Really”, a philosopher named Quassim Cassam from the UK goes to some lengths to differentiate between what he calls ‘substantial’ self-knowledge and ‘trivial’ self-knowledge. The article can be found here. First of all, I’ll need to get something out of my system, before we can proceed. Trust me on this one – it’ll be better for all concerned, if I just go ahead and do it now. I’m not saying any antisocial tendencies will thus be fully assuaged. But it’ll make it easier to get to the bulk of the above article in a more intelligent (and less childish) manner. Those of you impatient for the, almost surely, more scintillatingly existentialist thoughts to come, should probably just skip right on to Pt. II… Cause this may take a while… Where is Part II, you ask? I haven’t written it yet… Whatever… On with the show. Now… are you kidding me? Really? A philosopher… named Quassim Cassam? (gesundheit!) That… …

HELLOOoooOO, HALLOWEEN

The only photograph thought to exist, of the creature formerly known as: Snoddly Thumpernickel A SYLVAN TALE OF HORROR An original fantasy in long form It occurred back in the year of eighteen-ought-three, Deep in the murk-some woods of Mashamoquet. If you’d have the tale, then pause while I sit, and Speak of the Cabbage Patch Kid, who lived in a tree. Yeah. You know, that’s not really doing it for me. I’d wanted to do a frightening kind of Halloween-type blockbuster poem. Something epic, to endear me to the hearts of those people who like to have their hearts pounding, around this time of the year. A work of monumental proportions, combining many diverse themes – themes both classic and those more obscure. Something colossal; like the following ambitious, larger-than-life and rather impressive diagram:   [You wanna talk about horror – you try spending an hour or so mocking something like this up in WordPress, and then hit ‘Save Draft’ – and see if you don’t find yourself screaming rather impressively in horror.]